Regression

What you see in the image above is a despicable man engaging in a heinous crime. And while he engaged in such foolery, what he did doesn't tick me off as much as those around him during this very same time. 

You see, he attacked a 60 year old man inside of a gas station. Why? We may never know. From the video footage taken of him outside and inside the station, it looked like it was planned. The victim claimed to not know this man, so therefore maybe the guy saw him and figured this man may have something of value. I hate to use the word, but I'm going to use it...it's typical "nigger" shit. Don't get used to me saying that because I don't like it, but this event pisses me off. This is what people think of when Detroit enters their minds. We're all a bunch of barbarians. And the sad thing about it is that we'll continue to defend ourselves, but yet we continue to engage in such foolishness. But like I said before, what he did doesn't tick me off as much as the people who were around him did. 

They did absolutely nothing...that's right, nothing at all to help the guy. I can only watch that video once because you have 2-3 other men just standing there watching while this man beat up and stab a 60 year old right in front of them. What the hell? Whatever happened to protecting your fellow man? I hate to say this and make race a factor, but damned if I don't. We Detroiters (especially Blacks) are quick to react whenever an outsider (or someone of another race) commit a crime or something of bigotry towards us. We're always quick to "rally the troops" and stage a protest. We put our hearts and souls into seeing that justice is served when an outsider does something to one of us. But let it be one of our own and suddenly it's none of our business. And I ask...why? Why do we go around and cause harm to our own and ignore it, but yet when someone else does it, suddenly we're oppressed? I'm asking this as a concerned individual, a fellow Detroiter, and a Black man who feels betrayed...

That's right, I feel betrayed. I feel that way because I don't think I can trust us and our "progress." I strongly believed that things were going to get better. I strongly believed in this city and the fact that there are good people who want to make a difference. And don't get me wrong, I do believe that there are some people in the city who wants to make a difference, but that's a small minority these days. The citizens are becoming just as bad as the politicians they claim to have oppressed them. 

Prior to this entry, I returned to video blogging and guess what my first vlog entry was going to be? It was me defending Detroit and pretty much telling people who want to use and then diss the city when something bad happens to "go to hell." But you know what? If I ran with that, then I would do nothing but make a fool of myself. We as Detroiters need to quit this "me, me, me" attitude. If you see someone in trouble, help them. Those guys who stood there and watched that 60 year old man get assaulted could have easily stopped the attacker. Even one of them seemed big enough to subdue him. But they did nothing, and this man is lying in the hospital for no apparent reason. And guess where the attacker is? No one knows! But let the attacker be a White man or someone of another race, and watch everyone become Al Sharpton all of a sudden. Oh and Al, the real Al...yes you...if you're not doing anything to provide a solution, then stay the hell away.

This is a damn shame. All of these protests mean absolutely nothing if we can't protect each other.

Think about it, people.

Overqualified

Every time I hear about a friend or colleague getting a new job, no matter what it is...on the outside I'm happy for them. But on the inside, I can't help but feel a little animosity. Yeah, I know it's not good but I can't help but feel that way especially since it's become so hard for me to get a job these days. At this point I'll do anything. I just need some money in my pocket. I was always told to never go without money in your pocket, even if it's just a quarter. And my animosity is not pointed towards friends and colleagues, it's more so pointed at the places of employment. Those same places who would hire others but not me. Why? Because they look at my resume and say that I'm overqualified.

Overquali--what?

That's right...according to them, I'm "too good" for the job. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that tell you something when I'm still willing to do such a job that I'm "too good" to do? Wouldn't that tell you that I'm willing to take less money than what you think I should be making? When I was younger, back in my teens, I used to love job hunting. I loved it because it was something new and fresh, and I just being exposed to so many places I could apply to, it gave me a thrill because I dreamed a lot. I dreamed a lot about being able to make money and take on more responsibility at such a young age. Now that I'm in my 20's and the fact that I MUST have a job, it's no longer fun. It's even worse when I can't get one because of my academic accomplishments. It's a shame because no matter what job I get, I feel that I would be very beneficial to whomever hires me. But being overqualified means that I will only work for them for maybe a month or two until some high paying gig calls. And I'm sure that happens with most people, but you'll never know unless you give me a chance. And that's all I'm asking for.

It really doesn't help me now because my resume is so small that when places see it now, they will use that against me. They'll see the huge gap between jobs and most of the time, it turns them away. I have friends who can move through jobs like a game of musical chairs, while it may take me years to get another one. Yeah, I have other responsibilities like school and such, but I also have a life to live and a lot of times, that requires money. Hell, at this moment, I'm lucky to see $100 in my bank account. I just recently paid off my rent for the entire summer, which leaves me with crumbs in my bank account. I had plans this summer and now I can't even fulfill them due to my financial situation. And I hate having to depend on others because it makes me feel like a charity case. No offense to my friends and family, but every time they offer me money or offer to pay for something on my behalf, I continue to shrink because I know that I should be able to provide for myself at this age. Just last week, I was treated by my friend and her husband to the movies, lunch, and dinner, and I didn't pay a single dime. Most people would take advantage of that, but not me. I didn't tell them, but I didn't feel right at all...and I felt even worse after learning that they're dealing with a financial crisis of their own.

I did have a "meet and greet" and got to fill out an application for a job last week, but I'm having doubts about them hiring me as well due to me being overqualified. Also, I wouldn't even have that if my mom didn't know the people there. The visit was so quick and the guys didn't look that enthused to meet me. It just felt like the usual "fill this out and we'll probably call you" situation. This sucks, but I can't turn back the hands of time. I can't go back and delete my accomplishments. I've searched far and wide for a job and I'm pretty damn exhausted right now. I do have a job waiting for me when I go back to school, but I need something now. Not only do I need it to support myself, but I need it to stay active. But because of what I've accomplished academically, I'm not able to do that. So what can I do now?

I can understand why companies would be hesitant to hire someone like me, but they shouldn't hold off due to what I've accomplished. It's not fair because again, i feel that I can be very beneficial to them. But that's the way things are right now.

All I can do is continue to look, hope, and pray...until then, I'll just continue to be frustrated.

Socially Awkward

It seems like every once in a while I end up creating a post about social networking sites and for the most part, it's not positive. This will be no different. Being a long time user of Facebook and Twitter (Myspace before both), I have come to know that people tend to live different lives than they do outside of it. Some time last month, I brought it to the attention of my Facebook friends that I know about 400 out of 422 (then 418) of them. I either know them personally or have met and worked with some time throughout my life. But sometimes when I browse Facebook and see some of the things they post, I can't help but think "Is this the same person I've met and talked to face-to-face?" It leads me to wonder if people are putting on an act, or if I ever knew them in the first place...

Before people get bent out of shape, I just want to say that I'm not including everyone in this. Some people I know on and off of Facebook and Twitter are the exact same people. But there is always that small crowd of people who will make the most noise. Their posts and "actions" tend to grab my attention more. And the people I'm talking about are those who like to portray the "angry", "sad", and "miserable" types. While I don't want to question whether or not you're feeling a certain way, I can't help but think that you're putting on a mask...and I ask, why?

I once refused to believe that there lies some sort of power in social media. I always wondered why people tend to do things online that I know they're not capable of doing outside of it. Is it because technology gives you some sort of power or freedom to do whatever? Does it give you the power to show your real side? Does it allow you to express your true feelings? I have close friends who are very mild mannered in person, but are Jekyll and Hyde characters once they log onto Facebook. They tend to cut loose and let it all hang out. Sometimes I try to talk to them about it, but sometimes I just leave it alone in fear of possibly jeopardizing our friendship. And trust me, I've lost some friendships over Facebook before.

When I first started browsing the Internet as well as social networking sites such as MySpace and Facebook, I too at times got a little personal. Hell, this blog is an extension of my life. But the main difference between what I do on this blog and what others do on social networks is the fact that I tell you my true feelings without masking them elsewhere. If I'm feeling a certain way, I will let it be known on here (if I'm up to posting) and in person. This blog is not only my way of promoting myself, it is also a way of letting my readers know more about me if they can't get a hold of me in person. What I see people post on Facebook is either false or it just tells me how phony they may be in person. Big difference...

I'm not telling people to be happy or to put on a smiling face every time they're online because if they do, they'll look just as corny as they look when they go "Hulk" on us. All I'm saying is that if you're going to put your feelings out there, be genuine. Don't just turn into this over the top character just to gain a few likes and agrees. Be you, and if people don't accept it...screw 'em.

Home! Sweet Home!

On the road, home.

Well, I did it. One year of graduate school down, one more to go. And trust me, it wasn't easy. Not that I thought it would be easy anyway, but it was one hell of a dog fight and a preview of what to expect for my second and final year.

Around this time last year, I was pumped and ready to move out of Metro Detroit and start graduate school at Central Michigan University. It was around this very time that I received my acceptance letter. Financial Aid soon followed. All I had to do was wait until I hear whether I got my apartment or not. But outside of that, I was all set to go. I thought I was going to enter a whole new world, and you know what? I did. When I moved out there, I was excited at being around a college and its atmosphere for what I believe will be my final go round. Trust me, I am not going for my doctorate. I don't care how "prestigious" it would make me look. I am done with school after this. But a couple of months into Mt. Pleasant and all my smiles and relaxed mood was all but gone...

Not only did the work pile up on me, but also problems outside the classroom. I didn't go to school to make friends nor build any other social relationships. I always saw those as bonuses. But when you live out in the middle of nowhere by yourself and don't know anyone coming in, you tend to kind of what to do those things. In the beginning, it was me and one other person. We hung out quite a bit during the first two months. We also tried to get other people in our class involved, and to no avail. The first time I figured "Well, no one really know us and maybe if we try to talk to them more in class, then maybe we'll have better luck outside." We tried again and history repeated itself. I don't know how my new friend felt, but I personally felt disrespected. I said to myself, "Man, what a bunch of fucking snobs!" Of course I didn't think of everyone like that, but I was very frustrated because I figured that since we're going to see each other a lot these next two years, we might as well get to know each other. Other people were already starting to click together, so I figured why not join in? But like they say, you can't make people like you. However with some patience and a little more initiative, some people started to come around later.

When it comes to the classes, I will say that once it gets busy...it gets busy. The first two months last semester, we've had some assignments, but for the most part it was very relaxed. I still managed to spend a lot of time at the library, but that was to work on one or two assignments and then goof off the rest of the way. But once those annotated bibliographies were assigned, we never looked back. Following them, we had to work on several papers including our grad proposals. Trust me, I had the hardest time because I didn't understand how to write one and it really showed in my first draft. I literally had to spend 21 hour days trying to get this going and when I got it going, I was literally worn out a month too early. By mid-November, I felt as if I didn't have much left in me, but the fighter in me continued to battle. Outside of my grad classes, with me being a production student, I am also required to attend production classes. I took a post-production course because that's what I want to focus on when I finally get out there. Video editing has always been my first love. I love having the freedom to be creative and turn something good into something more beautiful. The class itself was decent, but I wasn't satisfied when I left, therefore I enrolled into a more hands-on course the following semester.

At the tail end of my first semester, things started to pick up socially. Some of my other classmates started to come around more often and I started to develop my own little circle. Outside of that, I also expanded my social activities, such as dating. I can't go into it much because unfortunately, things didn't go as well as I had hoped and the less I talk about it, the better. But as I said before, it wasn't my intention, but it was a bonus and it was something I didn't mind doing because you'll never know what come from it. While I'm a "business first" type of person, I don't want to be a stiff either. I've been around the block a few times and even had a couple of serious relationships, and I sort of craved that feeling again. But like I said before, it didn't work out and as frustrating as it was, I don't regret it. You live and you learn. But again, that was a bonus because my eyes were still on the prize.

After recuperating and enjoying family and friends during Christmas break, it was time for me to regain my focus. To be honest, I thought the second semester was going to be a breeze, academically. Physically I knew it would take a lot out of me because I went ahead and enrolled into all production classes. I took Advanced Cinematography because that's what I want to get into and it's one of my required production courses. But it didn't stop there. I also took Producing Television News and Sports Broadcasting. All 3 classes were very demanding, especially the first two. I took Sports Broadcasting because outside of film, sports has always been a passion of mine. It was actually number one for a while, but then film came along and sports took a backseat. Producing Television News and Advanced Cinematography gave me the most headaches, but were also the most rewarding.

I've entered both classes with sort of an advantage, or at least I thought so. I've went to Specs Howard and learned some things about news, and I've also interned at one of the big stations in Metro Detroit (WXYZ-TV 7). So I've had an idea of how news was produced, but I have never spearheaded a live broadcast, therefore I was given the keys to Cadillac when I should have been driving a Buick. I was chosen as the very first producer. The funny thing about that is that I had the sick feeling that I was going to be chosen first, and indeed I was. I was very fortunate that our first week wasn't live because I would have been fired. Everything you thought could go wrong, did go wrong. However, as time went by, I did become a very strong producer and was told during my evaluations that I was the most ready out of our group of producers. Outside of building a nice working relationship with some of my fellow producers, I've also got to meet some great people who helped work on production, including talent and crew. Some I've met a little too late, but there's a possibility that I may see and work with them in the future. You'll never know. But as I was gaining steam in producing, it lead me to question whether or not film was the way to go...

I continued to question my career path while working on Immortal for my Advance Cinematography course. As I've mentioned plenty of times before during this semester, it was a very trying process. Earlier in this entry, I did say that I entered this course with an advantage, and that advantage was the fact that I've worked with more than half of the class on a project in the previous semester. Therefore, it wasn't a doubt in my mind that we would be in sync throughout this process. However, I've also entered this course at a disadvantage because I never had this teacher before and the fact that he didn't know me, he wasn't aware of what I was capable of. He already assigned positions based on what he saw others do before. We didn't have much time to sign up and compete. At first I was completely okay with a reduced role because of my other two classes. However, as time went by, the more frustrated I became. It's not only due to my limited role, but it was also because I sort of felt disrespected by some of my peers due to my role. I was a grip and grips do a lot of the dirty work. But, I still figured that maybe there would be a chance for me to do more than just grip work. With this being my career choice, being a grip would not be the best position if I was to use this film as a reference on my resume and demo reel. Companies would look at it and say, "So what exactly did you do that made this production successful?" I will say that my ego took a bit of a hit, especially during one shoot when the most significant thing I did was hold the lead actress' coat. Outside of dealing with girl trouble and people talking shit behind my back, that was when I felt I hit rock bottom this semester. I had to crawl myself out of a crater.

As time went on, things picked up because I did get a chance to do other things. It wasn't as much as I wanted, but I started to loosen up and once I let go of that anger I've harbored, things started to improve for me. I got to ran camera a little bit and people started to appreciate my input more. And although I didn't get to showcase my abilities, being heard was satisfactory enough. I wanted to share what I thought would help this project. I will say that I wasn't and still isn't crazy about the story because I'm also a screenwriter, but it turned out better than I thought, thanks to the production. So kudos to everyone who has worked on it. Unfortunately, I can't use this as a reference, but I can still say I've gotten a chance to work on something good. Outside of the film, I've also gotten the chance to work on a show that was written by a friend of mine. Unfortunately, things didn't go well with that due to things beyond our control.

Classes aside, I did get to explore the town more during my second semester. Outside of my usual restaurants and places, I've discovered some others that I wouldn't mind visiting more when I go back in August. I've discovered a gem in The Malt Shop during my first semester, but I will say that Dog Central (during my second semester) may give The Malt Shop a run for its money. The Malt Shop is still number one because I can't stay away from chicken shawarmas. But Dog Central is something special. Thanks to the film, I also got found a new hangout spot in the Mt. Pleasant Brewing Company. I got a chance to see how they made their brew and even got to try some of their wheat. It was quite an experience. However, I will say that while I like to go out a lot and explore the town, it's pretty damn expensive. And I will eventually have to cut back on those trips. I just came home damn near broke, not only because I took care of my summer rent, but also because I found myself spending money every single day. My plan was to buy enough groceries and to cook and experience with food. Unfortunately, things don't always go as planned. I spend a lot of time outside of my apartment and when I do, I get hungry and tend to spend. Therefore, I am currently in a financial hole and I hope to be able to make some of that up with a summer job. And speaking of jobs, I can now announce that I will be working with the school beginning next Fall as a graduate assistant. While it won't pay much, it will take some financial burden off of me because some of my classes will be paid for by the school. So that will put me in less debt.

As I've mentioned earlier, I do expect things to get harder and more stressful. My second semester was by far the roughest I've had in a long time, including my undergrad studies. But within the next year as I continue on my path to my Master's degree, I have a lot more to be done, including my big graduate project of which I'm still not sure what I'm going to do. I will also need to work on becoming more responsible and to try not to be as distracted. I let people's riff raff as well as a failed attempt at "love" distract me these past couple of semesters. Don't get me wrong, I did managed to maintain above a 3.0 average, but I'm much better than that...and I hope to display that during my final two semesters. I want to show not only the people at Central Michigan University, but the world how good I am...and it starts today.

My time is now...I promise you'll get your money's worth.

But until then...let's enjoy this Summer.

Resurrection

Hi, I'm Jamal and I am camera shy. Very, very camera shy.

But guess what?

Within the next few weeks, I'm going to get back into vlogging. No, I didn't misspell "blogging." I'm sure you can put two and two together. Vlogging is blogging, but takes place in the form of a video. Again, I'm camera shy and I tend to stutter and stumble over my words a lot, but I've come to grips that that's who I am.

Some of the vlogs I've done in the past talked about...

and...

and then there's...

Oh and I also did a promo...

Now, I know I know...with me being a video guy, they're not up to top quality video standards that I've been producing up here as of late. I have to make due with what I have, and besides...it's a vlog. It doesn't need to be pretty. As long as you get the message and stay entertained and informed, you'll be set.

I'm leaning towards two weeks from now when my schedule clear. The semester will be over and I'll be at home with a great deal of free time, outside of working on this Plan B proposal and spending time with family and friends. But I also want to spend a great deal of time with my readers/viewers...and I hope you all enjoy what I may have in store for you.

Stay on the lookout.

Thank You

I know that everyone's thinking about and praying for those affected in today's tragic events in Boston, Massachusetts right now, so I'm going to be very brief.

I want to thank each and every one of you who has sent thoughts and prayers to me and my family. My initial reason for even alerting people on Facebook about the passing of my uncle wasn't to garner sympathy or anything, it was to inform those closest to my family, especially since a lot of us are worlds apart right now. It felt good hearing from other family members as well as friends and colleagues. Even hearing from people I thought I would never hear from again due to past differences. It really meant a lot to me. I know the past couple of days, I've been carrying on with my usual joking ways. That's because I know that my uncle wouldn't want me to mope around and act depressed. He was always about having fun and that's what I'm going to continue to do. That's how my family get down.

I can't thank you guys enough. I will keep you updated on the funeral as well as how my family's doing.

One.

Can't Let Her Go

I'm unhappily in love. I'm miserable. But every time she seduce me, I allow myself to get drawn in. And then I continue to yearn for more. In case you didn't see the image, this is no ordinary woman I'm talking about. She likes to wear a blue dress, sometimes silver whenever she feels light. She's very cold, but this is one of the few times I'd be willing to make an exception when it comes to cold people. She's the total package and I'm hooked. But, she's very bad for me...and I'll have to find a way to escape.

One of my very first blog entries, I denounced Pepsi and other soft drinks because I do have a habit of consuming massive amounts. I will say that this year I've been somewhat tamed when it comes to them. But that's because I've managed to fill myself with tons of water before I see a pop (we call it "pop" in the Midwest, deal with it). However, once I get hands on one, it'll take a lot of work for me to stop. Funny thing is that I'm drinking a Pepsi as I type and chances are I may go and get another one. It doesn't help that I'm currently in a restaurant setting right now, so it'll only take me 30 seconds to grab another one. But I'm going to try to fight the urge.

While I would like to lose weight, it's not my main concern when it comes to Pepsi and other soft drinks. My main concern is acne, of which I have a bad case of from time to time. My other concern is my teeth. Yeah, I still have most of my teeth, but I do know that I've been harboring cavities and at times they tend to remind me whenever my teeth ache. There's nothing more annoying than a toothache. It affects you when you talk, when you sleep, and most importantly...when you eat. And we all like to eat, right? I know that pop isn't the only cause of it, but I feel that it's the main cause. I brush my teeth everyday, but drinking pop sort of cancels it out. I wish there was some way I can enjoy it without being health conscious, but that's the way the cookie crumbles. I've tried to limit my consumption instead of quitting it cold turkey, but that didn't work either.

Diet drinks doesn't help either because the creators realized how much they sucked back in the day that they pretty much replicated the originals and slapped on the diet label. I remember growing up, the very first time I had a Diet Coke, I spitted it out as soon as it touched my tongue. It tasted like Robitussin or some other cough medicine. I used to see the adults drink it and wanted to do what they did. But once I tried it, I stayed away from it...until the past few years when they decided to make it just like the original. I don't even know why they keep the diet when you can't tell the difference in taste. I'm pretty sure they didn't "subtract" anything like they did in the past...so what makes it "diet" now?

Outside of water, I've tried to substitute pop with cranberry juice and milk. I love cranberry juice and it does wonders for your health, but after a while it locks my jaws and leaves a sour aftertaste. I think it's because most of the time I end up getting the cocktail. As for milk, I haven't always been a fan of it. It wasn't until a few years ago when I started drinking it again. It just doesn't do anything for me. I'll have to eat something sweet in order to enjoy it. Sweets compliment milk, but that would also defend my purpose. So yeah, I've tried, but those substitutions failed.

So as it remains, I'm still very much in love with Pepsi and several other pops. It's like an unhappy marriage. I try to break away, but she continues to pull me back in. Maybe when I get older, I'll learn to shy away from it and maybe move on to something more "mature"...and I'm not talking about alcohol.

But only time will tell. Until then, I'm so unhappily in love...